Goodbye 2015 (and Good Riddance)

2015 turned out to be a pretty eventful year for me — and NOT in a good way. Many sucky things happened. My husband and I faced some HUGE challenges, and endured the absolute WORST and SCARIEST period of our entire lives. I do not want to relive that, ever.

Ahem…

In an effort to move forward into the new year with some new perspective — tabula rasa and all that — I thought it might be prudent to do a new year reading. Instead of going for the month-by-month spread that I did last time, I decided to use a spread I learned from a friend when she used it for me years ago. Decks in action: Raven’s Prophecy and Earthbound Oracle.

New Year Reading | Raven's Prophecy Tarot & Earthbound Oracle

New Year Reading | Raven’s Prophecy Tarot & Earthbound Oracle

SPIRIT: Personal Development & Transformation
(Four of Swords & Release)
The hand lays open, release is evident. A sense of relief emanates from these two cards. By allowing myself to take a break, I’ll be able to release whatever’s been holding me back.

FIRE: Passion, Creativity, Inspiration
(Seven of Cups & Reflect)
I have a lot of things that inspire me; a lot of options. If I want to make progress in any of them, I need to reflect on them and decide which one(s) to pursue.

AIR: Intellect, Learning, Communication
(Eight of Swords & Sleep)
Whenever I run into trouble or doubt, I need to remember that I can step away, take a breath, and slow down. Each time I feel like I’m holding myself back, it’s time for me to take a break.

EARTH: Home, Health, Wealth/Work
(Five of Wands & Time)
Getting impatient will do me no good. I need to rise to challenges, knowing that by doing so, my situation will improve in time. Don’t be lazy and pout about working out / cleaning / etc. — just do it, and over time it will become a good routine.

WATER: Heart, Relationships, Inner Development
(The Devil & Travel | Clarifiers: Six of Cups & Achievement)
Make sure to keep the balance between what chains you and allowing yourself freedom. Equal time for nostalgia and achievement will be necessary.

SHADOW CARDS
(Nine of Wands & Home)
I might want to default on staying home and defending my position. Better not to.

OVERALL LESSON
Step back, step up, step out. It’s time.

What is Happening?

Awakening

Ever since returning from Ireland (about a week ago), both my husband and I have been sleeping quite well, each night filled to the brim with dreams. This week, however, things are starting to get weird. (I swear, I have a post about Ireland planned, but it just hasn’t fully formed yet.) Note that I labeled these based on the morning of waking, instead of the night upon which I fell asleep.

Tuesday

Card of the day: Page of Cups

A sporting event is going on — a soccer game, I think? — and many of the players are my colleagues. My goals lie elsewhere, so I am busy walking about the complex, tending to my business, but I keep passing by the event. Each time I pass by, a woman in the crowd (which consists of about 5 rows of small stadium seats, very close to the playing field) is yelling at my co-worker by name. You know, the way sports fans yell at players when they are fucking up?

Each time, she calls him by name, and each time, he turns around and looks at her. (Somehow, his position on the field means he is about 15 feet away from the woman in the stands.) She yells at him, he turns around and yells back: “WHAT? WHAT. IS IT?” with a look of utter bewilderment and frustration plain on his face, because there is nothing happening that involves him. (It is almost as if he is also a spectator, but is somehow on the other side of the fence, on the field instead of in the stands.)

I find this very amusing.

Themes: ???
Overall mood upon waking: amused

(Side note: I told this person I had dreamt about him, and he said, “You’re the 3rd person to tell me that today!”)

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Wednesday

Card of the day: Five of Pentacles

My husband and I are *somewhere* together (college campus, perhaps?), but for some reason I keep trying to send flirty messages to this “hot” emo dude I met (think the lead singer of Black Veil Brides). They’re the ridiculous — oh so ME — type of flirty messages, too: a link to some article about goats, a silly kawaii video involving chinchillas? (Way to show a boy you like him, eh? Or something?) I feel guilty for flirting with someone else, and later on I realize that this guy is the sort of person who was impossible to flirt with anyway. You know, the untouchable sort. So, I quickly dismiss him and focus back again on my husband.

Themes: insecurity, guilt, betrayal (also quickly coming to my senses)

I come across a girl I knew from childhood, and she pulls me aside to take a quick survey of some kind.

“You’re here with your friend?” She motions to my husband, talking with a group of people 10 yards away.

“He’s my husband.”

“You’re not married to Wasp guy anymore?” (I can hear the capital W clearly, and the colors of the word, the insect, and my ex-husband all swirl together in my mind’s eye.) Her eyes roll up to look at me, not wanting to stray from her paperwork.

“No,” I tell her. She she does a shrug-sigh thing and crosses my name (and Wasp’s name, I presume) from some boxes on her from, and rewrites my name in a box next to it, asking for my new surname and my husband’s name.

I glance at him, in the distance, as she fills in some more information. She assumes our health insurance in Concentra (I deducted this was because of some church/family thing — I knew her from church many years ago).

Themes: wasp, ex-husband, shame (or being shamed by a religious person for being divorced)

I am trekking outside, backpack full and heavy on my back. I am approaching a group of people  near a patch of trees. As I get closer, a swarm of gnats surrounds me. (The gnats are tagged, the way farmers attach tags to cows’ ears, but these are much tinier — though still larger than the gnats themselves.) They swarm around my head and face and I try to bat them away. In my panic, I try to collect enough breath to call for help, while also not opening my mouth too wide. I try in vain for several minutes to swat them away. I call for help several times, but the people standing only a few feet away completely ignore me and continue their conversation. I fear the gnats will consume and suffocate me.

Themes: gnats, swarm, being ignored

Note: There have been gnats swarms in the parking lot at of my office for many weeks now, and the past few days there have been some at home, too.

Overall mood upon waking: discomfort, some worry

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Thursday

Card of the day: Five of Wands

After brushing my teeth, I inspect them in the mirror. At first I am impressed by the pretty, shining whiteness of my right incisor, but they get more and more yellow as I look further to the left. One tooth looks as if it hasn’t been brushed at all, as if it’s rotting in my mouth. A strange orange color, and fuzzy texture, as if covered in plaque. I lean closer to the mirror to inspect it further and see that it’s about to come right out of my gums, as are the two teeth next to it, as if my gums as rotting away and can no longer hold them in place. I look at the teeth on the bottom and see that one molar (one I’ve had topped with a crown) is rotting so fully that it’s become nothing more than a cavernous chunk of debris in my mouth. Obviously, I panic.

Themes: teeth falling out, teeth rotting

Note: I have a lot of general worry about my teeth, especially the crowned one. I also have TMJ which causes toothy problems. (In general, though, my teeth are good and I take good care of them.)

My husband and I are at some sort of resort; a big, wide place with lots to see. Everyone is telling us we should check out the runes/glyphs (? I think they were called something else, but similar in name/meaning), and we look to the horizon to see these large rocks/mountains with runes/glyphs carved onto them in the near distance. We don’t know how to get to them, so L (a girl I knew in high school) says she’ll show me the way. She pulls me toward the path before I can make sure my husband is with me, so I decide to just come back and get him once I see how to get there.

She leads me down a long series of hallways and escalators — up and down, up and down (she repeats this phrase a couple of times), and some of them you have to push a button and duck down in order to ride on. Eventually we come to a rocky path outside, and she leads me around and around until we end up inside what seems like a pyramid.

I decide it’s time to go back and get my husband, so L shows me to the exit, which is just a large window leading out to some rocks and a body of water. It is raining and all of the rocks are wet and slippery. Some large fish swim closer to us and I exclaim “There are sharks in the water?! I’m not going in there!” It was part jest, part serious; I know the fish isn’t a shark, but I am still annoyed that she is telling me I have to take this path. She insists that this is the path we took to get here, but I don’t remember it being so. I look out the window at the rainy sky and slippery rocks, uncertain.

Themes: adventure, glyphs or runes, L, ridiculous winding pathways, up-and-down pathways, treacherous/difficult pathways, water I do not want to get into

Note: L shows up in my dreams occasionally, but I haven’t seen her since high school. These sorts of pathways and bodies of water are recurring themes for me. This is the first time I recall there being visible *life* in the water, though.

Overall mood upon waking: strong discomfort, deeper worry, frustration

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What is happening?

It’s been a while since I’ve had so many dreams, all night long, and remembers so much of them so vividly. It is quite disturbing that they seem to be getting progressively less and less comfortable as nights go on. Also of note: so far this week I have had 3 fives as my card of the day. So far I haven’t had much time to dissect or analyze anything beyond typing up this post. Not sure where to begin. There are no repeating themes, but certainly some similar in tone. It bothers me that they are getting worse instead of better, though. What will tonight bring?