For the past while, I’ve been generally uncomfortable. I can’t tell you how absolutely annoying this is. I feel uncomfortable in my body. I don’t enjoy things like I used to. I don’t even know of many things I do enjoy anymore. I wonder what happened to my positive energy, my creative needs, my muse, my sense of being alive. I have been actively trying to make myself feel good lately. Taking regular walks at the beautiful park nearby has been a great activity for me and Darling to share together, so there’s that. But it seems like when I improve in one area, another area suffers. I’d really like to just nip all this shit in the bud so I can move on and be happy and feel good again. I think I’ve found the perfect spread to help me out here. And since my Mary-El still hasn’t shipped, I’ll be using Wildwood.
1. The Sun of Life. Okay, the Sun is all full of life and energy and growth and fecundity and all kinds of amazing positive things. How can this be a source of suffering? All right, looking at the imagery only, I relate differently. This is me, naked and exposed to the world – to the point of burning myself alive. (The thing is I’m feeling really self-conscious about my body. I’ve lost a lot of weight and now fear I’m too skinny and I don’t even feel right in my own body anymore.)
2. Page of Stones (Lynx). Hmm, too much self-reflection? Too much observing of others? Too much thinking?
3. King of Arrows (Kingfisher). Okay, so what, I’m being too analytical? Er…
4. The Seer. Looks like I need to use my intuition. Go with what my inner voice is telling me. Well, I can work with that.
I think the point here is that I should freaking trust myself. If I’m unhappy with something, I need to trust that and find a way to resolve it, instead of over-thinking or waiting for someone else to make the same observation that I have (or waiting for someone else to suggest a solution).